Lick Clean By Unicorns Only

Washing Instructions: A mystery if there ever was one.

Why is it that 95% of men’s clothes can be machine-washed, tumble-dried and generally beaten with a stick, whereas 95% of women’s clothes are “Dry Clean Only”, or at very best, hand-wash only. You can never tumble dry any of it. The other 5% of women’s clothes have the aforementioned “To Be Licked Clean By Unicorns Only” label.

Vic once bought a burgundy velvet hat. You know, “hat”, goes on your head, sort of thing. “Do Not Get Wet” were the instructions inside. So if you’re wearing the hat, and it starts to rain, you’re supposed to take it off? Great! As for washing the hat, fuhgedaboudit. There’s probably a market for soluble raincoats if you stick a “Coast” label on ’em.

2 thoughts on “Lick Clean By Unicorns Only”

  1. Similar, in that I guess the clothing manufacturers are guarding against possible lawsuits/returns by saying “Well, if you wash it, what can you expect?”.

    I’m sure there was a time when clothes were all made to be hard-wearing and last for ages, but that probably ended around the same time as the advent of the washing machine. So now that we can wash clothes easily, they don’t make clothes that you can wash any more.

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